Why Marriages Succeed or Fail

Do you want to know, with 90% accuracy, whether or not you marriage will succeed or fail? Well, Dr Gottman, author of Why Marriages Succeed or Fail: And How You Can Make Yours Last, claims he is able to predict the fate of your marriage with a 90% accuracy. He’s monitored hundreds of couples during conflicts and has concluded that there are four different characteristics that spell out trouble. They are criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and withdrawal. He also says that positive to negative comments in a relationship must be in a 5 to 1 ratio. Are you getting nervous? Well, Dr. Gottman isn’t saying you are all doomed to failure! He has a four step program that can help turn your situation around.

Now, this morning on the Today show, I saw Dr. Laura Berman talking about her research about how personality traits can ruin your marriage. She broke the traits into four types also:

1. The Pleaser: “Puts the we before me in the relationship” Sounds to be somewhat co-dependant.

2. The One-Upper: Has to be right and fights until the other admits defeat.

3. The Avoider: “Sticks his/her head in the sand” Tries to avoid issues in hopes they go away or to avoid conflict.

4. The Catastrophizer: Tends to blame all his/her problems on their spouse. Uses terms like “You always…”, “You never…” often during fights.

Do you fall into any of these categories? I ordered Dr Gottman’s book today, it sounds pretty interesting.

Here’s the video from the Today show this morning, it’s only a few minutes long.

Related posts:

1. The Secrets to a Happy Marriage
2. Why We Divorce and How to Avoid it!
3. Wedding Astrology: A Marriage Made with Heaven