Entries Tagged 'Women Interest' ↓

Ladies you’ve all heard the stereotype about men avoiding marriage like the plague.  Well know you can know what’s behind this great fear of marriage…

A recent poll of 1533 heterosexual men was conducted as research for a book aiming to give women an understanding of why many smart, successful men opt to stay single.  Here’s what they found out…

- Men are 10 times more afraid of marrying the wrong person than never getting married at all!

- The poll showed that while in 1980 only 6% of men in their early 40’s were never married now that number is 17%

- The poll found that there are three types of bachelors:

• 8% who never want to marry
• 62% who want to marry but half of them are are holding out for perfection
• 30% are on the fence about marriage

- As for having kids the bachelors said:

• 4 of 10 did not want to be a father
• 3 of 10 want to be a father
• the rest were undecided

Finally, 72% said they were’nt afraid of marriage but half of them said that the situation that scared them most was marrying the wrong person

In my opinion, while this may result in a lot of men not popping the question for a long time if ever, this may help improve the divorce statistics in the future.  As frustrating as it may seem I’d rather be married to a man that is sure before he commits than finding out he wasn’t sure later!

Your thoughts?

You may not be fighting too much yet, but, there probably will be a time in the future when you have to argue to resolve issues.  This can go one of two ways, you can resolve the issues or you can end up damaging your relationship.  So which one do you want? 

Dale Adkins, author of Sanity Savers: Tips for Women to Live a Balanced Life, and Kate White of Cosmopolitan appeared on the Today Show and gave great advice on how to argue effectively and maybe even make your relationship stronger.

Here are some of their tips on the Right Way to Argue:

-  Choose the Right Time
-  Stay Calm and Respectful
-  Stay on Topic
-  Find a Workable Solution

For the rest of the story check out this clip from the Today Show!

Thomas Cook, Ph.D. author of The Memory Advantage: Improve Your Memory, Mood And Confidence Throughout Lifethinks so. It just doesn’t happen automatically when you get married. The opportunity to share experiences and information with you spouse can help your knowledge grow.

During the early stages of your relationship, while you are still infatuated with each other, you have that euphoric feeling and all you can think about is being with each other. Not much knowledge growth going on there!

But, during the more mature stages of your relationship things evolve into “a more mind cultivation of love and respect,” according to Dr. Cook.

Dr Cook recommends you take up activities as a couple to help cultivate your minds, some examples he gives are:

Dance Lessons

Watch a movie together and discuss the plot

Learn a language together

Take on a home project

It seems many couples tend to grow apart over time in a relationship. Having a strong relationship takes work and investment. So, I believe taking on a hobby together, something that you can enjoy together will do wonders for strengthening your relationship and make it last! Not to mention, make you both smarter, which is nice too!

Do you and your fiancé have common interests?

For more information on the concept of marriage making you smarter checkout this video from the Today Show.

Okay folks, I found a new toy.  Brides.com came out with a new tool, the Brides.com Wedding Day Hair Studio, to help you brides “try on” new hairstyles and makeups.  It also helped keep me entertained today.  But hopefully me entertainment can give you an idea of what you can do with this thing.  So here we go, some of my creations look pretty bad, but I must admit some might not be too bad, you be the judge.

 Okay, lets start with a bald Britney Spears…

Now using the amazing Wedding Day Hair Studio, lets “try on” Paris Hilton’s make-up and hair style.

Here, Britney is trying on Hillary Duff’s look.

And finally, here’s Britney trying on Jennifer Aniston’s make-up and hair style.

Here’s Britney with long brown hair…

Here’s Britney with long blonde hair…

Okay, this pictures may be a little discouraging. Britney might be better off staying bald. But give the Wedding Day Hair Studio a try and let me know what you think!

Fighting over money is one of the top reasons for divorce. So you might want to address the money issue before you tie the knot! While you’re dating everything is great, you are trying to impress each other with your generosity and making things special. So, buying / receiving those nice gifts and going out to dinner at nice restaurants might be a common thing.

After spending the average of $27,000 on your wedding, you might be starting your married life together in debt. Add to that a house payment, bills, children and you got yourself a recipe for disaster! So how do you weather the storm? By preparing ahead. Here are some ideas…

1. Discuss your financial situation with your fiancé: What kind of financial baggage are you bringing to the marriage? Are you already in debt? How’s your credit rating? What about your fiancé? Are you already concerned about how your fiancé handles money? Is he willing to discuss it? Then have this discussion to see where each of your stand. If this conversation is a problem you might want to think twice about a long term commitment because it’s not going to get better!

2. Discuss your financial goals: It is important that you are both in sync with regard to your goals. You don’t necessarily have to be in total agreement but you at least have to be able to compromise to the point that you are both comfortable. Do you both want to live debt free? Do you both want to purchase a home? Do you both want to put money away for a college fund? Retirement accounts?

3. Make a plan to achieve your goals: Even if you’re not in total agreement you can still work out a plan. Take a look at your goals and try to come to a joint agreement on how to achieve them. You might find that “you can’t get there from here” with your current salaries. Set up a budget that you can agree on, there are lots of books out there to help you do this. Personally, I love Suze Orman’s no nonsense practical advice. You might want to check out her book “The Money Book for the Young, Fabulous & Broke.” Set up separate accounts if it doesn’t look like a joint account will work for you. Many people find separate bank accounts gives them a feeling of independence and takes a lot of stress out of their relationship.

4. Have regular meetings to discuss your financial status: Money is an easy issue to avoid, especially if you know you disagree about it. Unfortunately, avoiding issues leads to bigger issues. What has worked for me is meeting with my husband every other week to discuss our budget and know what the plan is to meet it. These meetings help reduce our stress level because we know there isn’t going to be any unexpected spending on the other person’s part. Set up a regular set time because it’s always easy to find an excuse not to have these meetings!

Are financially compatible with your fiancé? Are you addressing the money issue in your relationship? Let’s hear your ideas to avoid relationship problems.

Thanks {teegan} for the photo!

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Okay ladies, this is the big day!  On this momentous day that falls right behind Christmas in importance I wanted to open something up for discussion.

How does your guy perceive Valentines Day?  Does he do a good job making things romantic?  How much do you reciprocate?  Do you think he should take the lead in making things romantic?

I came across an interesting article on iVillage.com, “Why Don’t Guys Like Valentines Day?”

The author equated Valentines Day with “emotional blackmail” and suggested to help your guy out you should:

1.  Be Clear With Your Expectations – Tell your man exactly what you expect to happen on Valentines Day
2.  Accept What He Manages to Come Up With – Disappointment will only deter further action.
3.  Understand that Guys Show Love in Ways that Sometimes Women Don’t Appreciate – Look for those ways and appreciate them
4.  Practice Quid Pro Quo – Since Valentines Day is a two way street “you know darn well what your guy wants. So why not give it to him?”

I was somewhat aggravated after reading this article.  I personally don’t want to be in a relationship with someone who has to be “blackmailed” to show his love for me.  I do agree it should be reciprocal but if I have to tell him exactly what to do to make me happy that definitely would take the warmth out of the relationship.  I understand that some guys would have some trouble understanding exactly what to do to express their love but when it comes down to it, it’s the intent and thought that goes into it that  would make me feel loved.

Anyway, I’m lucky, my husband doesn’t need help in this area.  He is off from work tomorrow and he planned a picnic for the two of us and we are also going to spend the day at a museum in LA.  So I’m happy!  And, I hope all of you are too!

What you are doing for Valentines Day.

Thanks Sister72 for the photo!

I read a great article today “Why it’s okay to Settle for Mr. Good Enough” and it got me thinking and they talked about it on the Today Show too. A lot of people feel the pressure to hold out for their sole mate. He has to be right in every way, looks, personality, interests. If he misses the mark in any department he’s thrown back. Then there’s those “lucky” girls who found their “sole mate,” everyone envies their relationship. Then five years down the road they have two kids, “sole mate” Bob is 30 lbs heavier and is glued to the TV watching football all weekend while that “lucky” girl is changing diapers and cleaning toilets. Okay, this doesn’t happen in all cases, but based on the divorce rate it happens pretty often!

Here’s the video from the Today Show:

Is it better to “settle” for someone who might not be the “perfect” guy but might be a better father and partner through life’s ups and downs?

It seems, like I said in my article “Why We Divorce” last week, that after life happens, bills, kids, and other stress related issues, relationships start to come down to earth. You start noticing those flaws, things that didn’t seem that bad before grow to be unbearable anyway. So why not look for qualities you can live with long term rather than things that seem to satisfy you right now?

So what is your opinion? Do you believe in “sole mates?” Are you thinking long term?

Do you want to know, with 90% accuracy, whether or not you marriage will succeed or fail? Well, Dr Gottman, author of Why Marriages Succeed or Fail: And How You Can Make Yours Last, claims he is able to predict the fate of your marriage with a 90% accuracy. He’s monitored hundreds of couples during conflicts and has concluded that there are four different characteristics that spell out trouble. They are criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and withdrawal. He also says that positive to negative comments in a relationship must be in a 5 to 1 ratio. Are you getting nervous? Well, Dr. Gottman isn’t saying you are all doomed to failure! He has a four step program that can help turn your situation around.

Now, this morning on the Today show, I saw Dr. Laura Berman talking about her research about how personality traits can ruin your marriage. She broke the traits into four types also:

1. The Pleaser: “Puts the we before me in the relationship” Sounds to be somewhat co-dependant.

2. The One-Upper: Has to be right and fights until the other admits defeat.

3. The Avoider: “Sticks his/her head in the sand” Tries to avoid issues in hopes they go away or to avoid conflict.

4. The Catastrophizer: Tends to blame all his/her problems on their spouse. Uses terms like “You always…”, “You never…” often during fights.

Do you fall into any of these categories? I ordered Dr Gottman’s book today, it sounds pretty interesting.

Here’s the video from the Today show this morning, it’s only a few minutes long.

The folks over at divorce360.com commissioned a Gfk Roper poll to find out why people get divorced. Maybe we can learn something from this to help us avoid it. Maybe if we enter into marriage with our eyes open we can fight the odds.

So here’s the top 3 reasons why we get divorced and how to avoid it.

1. Abuse: The number one reason people get divorced is abuse, either physical or verbal. In fact 36% of divorced Americans cited abuse as the cause ( 48% of women, 21% of men)

How to avoid it: Okay folks if you are being abused before you get married, things aren’t going to get better. Run away as fast as you can! Now there are some anger issues or improper arguing that can be worked on but it will take cooperation from both of you but if you are getting hit or verbally abused that should be an obvious warning sign!

2. Money: 22% of people cite money as the cause for their divorce.

How to avoid it: Take a look at how your fiancé is handling money now. Do they save? Do they have a lot of debt? For those of you marrying the second time, are there child support payments? This can lead to resentment on your part. Are the child support payments up to date? Whatever you see going on now is probably what you will see going on in 10 years. Can you handle it? Don’t expect them to change. Talk to him/her about it see what kind of reaction you get. Talk about where you want to be in 10 years, are you in agreement?

3. Someone New: 18% of divorced people got divorced because they met someone new.

How to avoid it: By the way 12% say they got divorced due to boredom. I see these reasons as related. So what can you do about it? Keep it new! Sounds simple but it’s not. Things are great while you are courting, you can’t wait to see each other, you can talk for hours on the phone and not get bored. Well folks, I hate to rain on your parade but the norm is for this to stop. Why? Life happens, work, bills, complacency, kids, etc. So, are you doomed? You don’t have to be. But, it takes a lot of work on both of your parts. I recommend the book, The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate the author Gary Chapman is a genius.

Overall marriage takes work. You both can have the best of intentions but can’t seem to keep the connection. It takes a lot of focus and determination but it also takes a keen ability to communicate your feelings and understand the feelings and needs of your mate. This is what Gary Chapman explains in his book.

It’s never too early to start working on your marriage, even if you’re not married yet!

Rhonda

Thanks billjacobus1 for the picture!

You’ve seen her get a crowd of 30,000 people, the largest event so far for the ’08 Presidential race, for Barack Obama. She has a daily US audience of over 14-million, not to mention the millions in 132 other countries. Books mentioned on Oprah’s Book Club soar up the best sellers list. And, recently she’s been a very successful movie producer with Denzel Washington’s “Great Debaters,” which is by the way a great movie. So, what’s next for Oprah? How about a whole network where you can watch Oprah and Oprah selected programming 24 hrs per day?

Well, your dream has come true! Beginning in 2009, the Oprah Winfrey Network will take the place of the Discovery Health Channel and bring you, and 70 million other households.

According to the press release:

OWN’s mission is to create multiple platforms for women, men and their families with a purpose and a passion: to celebrate life, to inspire and entertain, empowering viewers around the world to live their best lives, and by doing so, lift the lives of those around them in ever-widening circles

In addition to providing her talent, and personal commitment, Winfrey will have full editorial control over the joint venture and will be responsible for OWN’s programming, branding and creative vision.

Here’s what Oprah said about the network:

“Fifteen years ago, I wrote in my journal that one day I would create a television network, as I always felt my show was just the beginning of what the future could hold,” said Oprah Winfrey, who will serve as chairman of OWN. “For me, the launch of ‘The Oprah Winfrey Network’ is the evolution of the work I’ve been doing on television all these years and a natural extension of my show.”