I came across a great press release the other day about issues people face when marrying for the second (or more than that) time. Evidently at least a third of all weddings that take place are remarriages. For those of you in this situation, you probably realize that you are facing some issues that people with a “clean slate” don’t. Now include children from prior marriages and things get more complicated.
Some issues you may be facing include, child support payments, alimony, wage garnishment, custody battles, etc. According to Adrian Ashley, author of Every Single Girl’s Guide to Her Future Husband’s Last Divorce, it is important to have “full disclosure and absolute honesty” before entering into a marriage.
Do you know what you are getting into? Do you have concerns that you are afraid to address? How are you handling these issues?
The folks over at divorce360.com commissioned a Gfk Roper poll to find out why people get divorced. Maybe we can learn something from this to help us avoid it. Maybe if we enter into marriage with our eyes open we can fight the odds.
So here’s the top 3 reasons why we get divorced and how to avoid it.
1. Abuse: The number one reason people get divorced is abuse, either physical or verbal. In fact 36% of divorced Americans cited abuse as the cause ( 48% of women, 21% of men)
How to avoid it: Okay folks if you are being abused before you get married, things aren’t going to get better. Run away as fast as you can! Now there are some anger issues or improper arguing that can be worked on but it will take cooperation from both of you but if you are getting hit or verbally abused that should be an obvious warning sign!
2. Money: 22% of people cite money as the cause for their divorce.
How to avoid it: Take a look at how your fiancé is handling money now. Do they save? Do they have a lot of debt? For those of you marrying the second time, are there child support payments? This can lead to resentment on your part. Are the child support payments up to date? Whatever you see going on now is probably what you will see going on in 10 years. Can you handle it? Don’t expect them to change. Talk to him/her about it see what kind of reaction you get. Talk about where you want to be in 10 years, are you in agreement?
3. Someone New: 18% of divorced people got divorced because they met someone new.
How to avoid it: By the way 12% say they got divorced due to boredom. I see these reasons as related. So what can you do about it? Keep it new! Sounds simple but it’s not. Things are great while you are courting, you can’t wait to see each other, you can talk for hours on the phone and not get bored. Well folks, I hate to rain on your parade but the norm is for this to stop. Why? Life happens, work, bills, complacency, kids, etc. So, are you doomed? You don’t have to be. But, it takes a lot of work on both of your parts. I recommend the book, The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate
the author Gary Chapman is a genius.
Overall marriage takes work. You both can have the best of intentions but can’t seem to keep the connection. It takes a lot of focus and determination but it also takes a keen ability to communicate your feelings and understand the feelings and needs of your mate. This is what Gary Chapman explains in his book.
It’s never too early to start working on your marriage, even if you’re not married yet!
Rhonda
Thanks billjacobus1 for the picture!
Is this your second time around? Well there’s more than a 30% chance it is. If it is, you probably know there are issues you are dealing with that first timers don’t have. Second weddings or second marriages always come with some extra issues.
Should we have a big wedding?
What kind of wedding dress is appropriate for a second wedding?
How do we tell our kids?
How do we blend our families?
Dealing with ex’s
What is different for second wedding etiquette?
Etc.
Well I found the site for you…checkout Idotaketwo.com. They have pretty much everything you can think of and more covered for second marriages or second weddings. Lots of good info.
If you are looking for another good second marriage resource checkout, Getting Married When It’s Not Your First Time: An Etiquette Guide and Wedding Planner
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Rhonda
Our Wedding Plus
Thanks to Omar Omar for the picture.
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