Entries from February 2008 ↓

Okay ladies, this is the big day!  On this momentous day that falls right behind Christmas in importance I wanted to open something up for discussion.

How does your guy perceive Valentines Day?  Does he do a good job making things romantic?  How much do you reciprocate?  Do you think he should take the lead in making things romantic?

I came across an interesting article on iVillage.com, “Why Don’t Guys Like Valentines Day?”

The author equated Valentines Day with “emotional blackmail” and suggested to help your guy out you should:

1.  Be Clear With Your Expectations – Tell your man exactly what you expect to happen on Valentines Day
2.  Accept What He Manages to Come Up With – Disappointment will only deter further action.
3.  Understand that Guys Show Love in Ways that Sometimes Women Don’t Appreciate – Look for those ways and appreciate them
4.  Practice Quid Pro Quo – Since Valentines Day is a two way street “you know darn well what your guy wants. So why not give it to him?”

I was somewhat aggravated after reading this article.  I personally don’t want to be in a relationship with someone who has to be “blackmailed” to show his love for me.  I do agree it should be reciprocal but if I have to tell him exactly what to do to make me happy that definitely would take the warmth out of the relationship.  I understand that some guys would have some trouble understanding exactly what to do to express their love but when it comes down to it, it’s the intent and thought that goes into it that  would make me feel loved.

Anyway, I’m lucky, my husband doesn’t need help in this area.  He is off from work tomorrow and he planned a picnic for the two of us and we are also going to spend the day at a museum in LA.  So I’m happy!  And, I hope all of you are too!

What you are doing for Valentines Day.

Thanks Sister72 for the photo!

Don’t bother getting Preston Bailey to plan your wedding, unless you are planning on spending over $500,000. But, you can have a destination wedding designed by Preston Bailey for less than $5,000 at Sandals.

Preston Bailey put together a four destination wedding packages that include everything you need. By everything I mean the décor, bouquet, boutonnière, table setting, centerpiece, chairs, cake, and more.

Sandals calls their wedding packages Weddingmoons since you also have your honeymoon in the same place. Check them out here.

I never was a big fan of the all inclusive chain resorts like Sandals or Club Med but in the case of having a destination wedding this might be a good thing to look into. Planning a destination wedding can be pretty stressful, trying to coordinate all the issues with out being there can be a problem, especially if you are trying to do it on the cheap. If you can afford it, having a good wedding planner with experience handling destination weddings would take a lot of stress out of the planning process. But, these Sandals packages might just make this doable for the average couple.

Anybody have experience with Sandals or their Weddingmoons? Anyone planning a destination wedding? What problems have you had?

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Are money problems for your wedding getting you down?  Consider getting a credit card for your special day!  For additional info about cash back credit cards, the internet can be an excellent source. When looking for a Best Credit card or even reward credit cards, the web can give you many varying opinions.

I read a great article today “Why it’s okay to Settle for Mr. Good Enough” and it got me thinking and they talked about it on the Today Show too. A lot of people feel the pressure to hold out for their sole mate. He has to be right in every way, looks, personality, interests. If he misses the mark in any department he’s thrown back. Then there’s those “lucky” girls who found their “sole mate,” everyone envies their relationship. Then five years down the road they have two kids, “sole mate” Bob is 30 lbs heavier and is glued to the TV watching football all weekend while that “lucky” girl is changing diapers and cleaning toilets. Okay, this doesn’t happen in all cases, but based on the divorce rate it happens pretty often!

Here’s the video from the Today Show:

Is it better to “settle” for someone who might not be the “perfect” guy but might be a better father and partner through life’s ups and downs?

It seems, like I said in my article “Why We Divorce” last week, that after life happens, bills, kids, and other stress related issues, relationships start to come down to earth. You start noticing those flaws, things that didn’t seem that bad before grow to be unbearable anyway. So why not look for qualities you can live with long term rather than things that seem to satisfy you right now?

So what is your opinion? Do you believe in “sole mates?” Are you thinking long term?

According to Conde Nast Bridal Media statistics the cutting of the wedding cake is the #1 tradition that couples include in their wedding celebration. 95% of couples include this tradition. They also say the average couple spends $463 on their wedding cake and 51% of brides say that wedding cake ideas are one of their top needs during the planning process!

So chances are you have wedding cakes on your mind! I know wedding cake on my mind and I’m not even planning my wedding!

Well, here’s some help for inspiration and it might even get you a free wedding cake. Brides Magazine April/May 2008 issues is featuring a 22 page spread featuring America’s 50 Most Beautiful Cakes and Brides.com also has all 50 wedding cakes online. They are from bakers all around the country. You can go online and view the cakes and then vote for your favorite. You will also be given a chance to win that cake for your wedding!

Here’s the best part, which I might have to participate in (just to provide important research for you of course).

A display of some of BRIDES’ 50 Most Beautiful Cakes, along with seminars and tastings, will take place at Bloomingdale’s across the nation on the following dates:

  March 6, 2008 Medinah Temple - Chicago, Illinois   6-8pm
  March 8, 2008 Chevy Chase Mall - Chevy Chase, Maryland  6-8pm
  March 15, 2008 Fashion Valley Mall - San Diego, California  1-3pm
  March 27, 2008 King Of Prussia - Philadelphia, Pennsylvania   6-8pm

It’s the end of another great week and time for another edition of the Top 5 Wedding Blog Posts of the Week!  This week I focused on relationships.  Hope my talking about divorce wasn’t a downer for everyone.  Hopefully some of the info I wrote about will help you actually avoid a divorce.  Anyway, I know some of you may be looking for tips on how to plan your wedding, which is great and something I also like to write about, but I think it’s much more important now to prepare for what is going to happen after the wedding.  Like, the rest of your life!  So, I’d appreciate some feedback on what you though of my posts this week.  Just to let you know, I have a couple of good relationship type posts in the cue for next week, so check back in.  Keeping with the relationship theme, I have a couple posts from other blogs on relationship issues in the top-5.

1.  Here’s a great post from a great new blog.  You may remember Mrs. Fussypants from my Top-3 Tutorial Post last week.  Well, she started a new blog called Marriage Hacks.  You need to check it out and follow it after you get married.  I particularly liked her post this week “What Makes Husbands Happy.”  This applies to fiancés too and it’s sage advice so check it out!

2.  Here’s one from Mrs. Strawberry over at Weddingbee.  She gives some tips about keeping your marriage fresh in her post “What’s the Secret to a Good Marriage.”  There are a lot of interesting comments also.  One of the recurring threads was eliminate technology at times to spend time together.  Anyone have issues with you or your spouse being on the computer too much?

3.  Okay, enough about relationships with your fiancé, now let’s talk about  your relationship with your bridesmaids.  How hung-up are you about your bridesmaids appearance.  What if your maid of honor decided to shave her head the week before your wedding or got pregnant 8 months before?  Well sounds like some people are making their bridesmaids sign contracts.  What do you think of that?  Checkout this article over at Manolo Brides, “Contracts?  You’ve Got to be Kidding Me.”

4.  This one has nothing to do with relationships but its important none-the-less!  The second most important thing behind your relationship is looking good! So checkout Beauty Week over at Anne Chertoff’s blog at iVillage.

5.  Finally, let’s talk wedding planning a little.  Having a destination wedding?  Then you might want to check out “Destination Wedding Tips” over at Style Me Pretty.  Make sure you look at the comments too, there are some good tips in there.

Hope you have a good weekend!

Check back in next week for some great information about settling for Mr. Good Enough!

Let me know what you thought about this week’s top 5!

Rhonda

I wanted to show you some new styles in wedding invitations and save-the-dates that we are offering. They are all made by Carlson Craft. I found these wedding invitations interesting because they are a little non-traditional in that they are short and wide. They are all printed using the raised thermography printing method. The also come with matching response cards, and other accessories. But I wanted to start off with this unique save-the-date card by Carlson Craft. It has scratch-off hearts that will reveal the wedding date!

To find out more about any of these invitations, just click on them!

What’s your opinion of these wedding invitations? 

Do you want to know, with 90% accuracy, whether or not you marriage will succeed or fail? Well, Dr Gottman, author of Why Marriages Succeed or Fail: And How You Can Make Yours Last, claims he is able to predict the fate of your marriage with a 90% accuracy. He’s monitored hundreds of couples during conflicts and has concluded that there are four different characteristics that spell out trouble. They are criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and withdrawal. He also says that positive to negative comments in a relationship must be in a 5 to 1 ratio. Are you getting nervous? Well, Dr. Gottman isn’t saying you are all doomed to failure! He has a four step program that can help turn your situation around.

Now, this morning on the Today show, I saw Dr. Laura Berman talking about her research about how personality traits can ruin your marriage. She broke the traits into four types also:

1. The Pleaser: “Puts the we before me in the relationship” Sounds to be somewhat co-dependant.

2. The One-Upper: Has to be right and fights until the other admits defeat.

3. The Avoider: “Sticks his/her head in the sand” Tries to avoid issues in hopes they go away or to avoid conflict.

4. The Catastrophizer: Tends to blame all his/her problems on their spouse. Uses terms like “You always…”, “You never…” often during fights.

Do you fall into any of these categories? I ordered Dr Gottman’s book today, it sounds pretty interesting.

Here’s the video from the Today show this morning, it’s only a few minutes long.

I came across a great press release the other day about issues people face when marrying for the second (or more than that) time. Evidently at least a third of all weddings that take place are remarriages. For those of you in this situation, you probably realize that you are facing some issues that people with a “clean slate” don’t. Now include children from prior marriages and things get more complicated.

Some issues you may be facing include, child support payments, alimony, wage garnishment, custody battles, etc. According to Adrian Ashley, author of Every Single Girl’s Guide to Her Future Husband’s Last Divorce, it is important to have “full disclosure and absolute honesty” before entering into a marriage.
Do you know what you are getting into? Do you have concerns that you are afraid to address? How are you handling these issues?

The folks over at divorce360.com commissioned a Gfk Roper poll to find out why people get divorced. Maybe we can learn something from this to help us avoid it. Maybe if we enter into marriage with our eyes open we can fight the odds.

So here’s the top 3 reasons why we get divorced and how to avoid it.

1. Abuse: The number one reason people get divorced is abuse, either physical or verbal. In fact 36% of divorced Americans cited abuse as the cause ( 48% of women, 21% of men)

How to avoid it: Okay folks if you are being abused before you get married, things aren’t going to get better. Run away as fast as you can! Now there are some anger issues or improper arguing that can be worked on but it will take cooperation from both of you but if you are getting hit or verbally abused that should be an obvious warning sign!

2. Money: 22% of people cite money as the cause for their divorce.

How to avoid it: Take a look at how your fiancé is handling money now. Do they save? Do they have a lot of debt? For those of you marrying the second time, are there child support payments? This can lead to resentment on your part. Are the child support payments up to date? Whatever you see going on now is probably what you will see going on in 10 years. Can you handle it? Don’t expect them to change. Talk to him/her about it see what kind of reaction you get. Talk about where you want to be in 10 years, are you in agreement?

3. Someone New: 18% of divorced people got divorced because they met someone new.

How to avoid it: By the way 12% say they got divorced due to boredom. I see these reasons as related. So what can you do about it? Keep it new! Sounds simple but it’s not. Things are great while you are courting, you can’t wait to see each other, you can talk for hours on the phone and not get bored. Well folks, I hate to rain on your parade but the norm is for this to stop. Why? Life happens, work, bills, complacency, kids, etc. So, are you doomed? You don’t have to be. But, it takes a lot of work on both of your parts. I recommend the book, The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate the author Gary Chapman is a genius.

Overall marriage takes work. You both can have the best of intentions but can’t seem to keep the connection. It takes a lot of focus and determination but it also takes a keen ability to communicate your feelings and understand the feelings and needs of your mate. This is what Gary Chapman explains in his book.

It’s never too early to start working on your marriage, even if you’re not married yet!

Rhonda

Thanks billjacobus1 for the picture!